till the world ends

would you go into a relationship with just msn and hotmail as means of communication? would you say that u can commit in this without seeing each other at all for 3 years? would u also say that u loved each other so much that u are willing to give up anything else just for you two to be together?

if only you knew how i felt.

if only you bothered listening to my reasons why i did everything. the reason why i feel insecure all the time, the reason why I’m reacting like this all the time.

if only you provided me the assurance that i need. not everyone is like us. i went through these three years only to find out on the last year that u were faking it. how should i react? i gave you a chance , just like that. but it was never the same for me.

all these while, I’m always blamed for the chain of events that happened. be it my fault, or u misunderstanding me. it came to a point where i gave up and just let you accuse me , without letting you know whats the real reason behind my every move. thinking that you will ask me or believe me. but, boy was i wrong. 

looking at those long distance relationships video online really made me wonder if I’m doing the right thing.

i don’t even know if we are considered being in a relationship when we haven’t met, when we never even hear each other’s voice. not even once have u tried to meet me when you’re here, or so you claimed. why is it me who always want to meet up? you mean you’re contented at how we are right now? just talking online? that is not a relationship. thats a pen pal you’re talking about. i don’t want this. I’m looking for a boyfriend, not a pen pal. one that can be with me whenever I’m upset, whenever i need someone to talk to. and not having to wait for that specific hour to talk to you.

you might see this, you might not. its my feelings and its time u learnt to understand it and not criticize it the moment u know about it.

oh and by the way, never let a girl go to bed crying over you. she will detest you for it and she not forget it. trust me, its what happened to me . 

its not difficult to give another person a shot at things again, 

but rather if you’re willing or not.

people make mistakes but so long as you have faith, 

everything is possible.

missing you so much now it doesn’t make sense..

i need you around but you’re not here.

finally time to write in here once again.. (:

juste debout was a really good experience ! its my first time and knowing that our standards are not up to par with the international ones.. mm.

its just time to work harder.

haha.

to me,

dance now is not about winning, its not about getting into whatever rounds in battles.

most importantly , i have improved and that is what makes me happy.(:

3 days for me to improve my popping is an achievement. knowing that people think you’re good, having the vietnamese poppers watching you and analyzing you when u freestyle.. it means a lot. doesn’t matter if they are judging me or not, but the fact that they actually bothered to look at me when i dance.. its an honor actually. (:

of course more to come.. have to improve more. get back what i have missed out over the years. i have one more chance in march and I’m gonna be much stronger and better . (:

oh and btw.

i have lesser hate for you now.

i dont deny that i hated you , 

but i also have to admit that i love you.

and always will.

<3

lesser hate. 

(:

you know you are growing older when u start reading the news and posting it for your classmates to see , regarding subjects learnt in school.

haha.

there is only so much i could take.

why do u always get mad when you talk to me? why is that each time u talk to me like that, i still talk to you nicely and want to get back with you again? why is it that you have to treat me like thrash and yet i still accept it as it is ? why is that i let you step over me all the time?

each time u talk to me like that,

i feel fucking hurt .

i cry in my heart all the time , and seeing you talk so harshly at me with absolutely no love at all.. it hurts . really bad.

u wanna hold on to the bitterness in your heart, 

go ahead.

i have no other choice but to let you go.

congrats on making me go away.

i hope you will regret giving me up.

u will never have me anymore.

the day will come when i don’t give a fuck about you, delete you off in every single possible way , remove you from every single part of the brain and the heart. 

and that day will officially be the day where i give up . 

right now, 

not yet.

but soon.